Good & Healthy Relationship Advice & Tips

1. Stop faking orgasms. I wish I'd made this resolution sooner, but if you haven't yet, there's no time like the present. Really and truly, if he can't figure out how to make you come and he has no interest in learning, oh my god please just stop dating him because he is the worst. Bonus points for telling him, "Please get better at this. This was not that great for me" before you break up with him so that hopefully he can get better before meeting his next sex partner. 

2. Stop accepting that he "just doesn't like" going down on you. Sweet and lovely human being, if you're going down on him, there's no reason he can't go down on you. Seriously. There is no reason. None. Your vagina is amazing. 

3. Throw out any underwear that doesn't make you feel hot AF. You know which ones I'm talking about. Even if no one else is seeing them, always wearing awesome ones will just make you feel awesome. That's just as important, if not more so. 

4. Start initiating sex when you want to. There's nothing that says you have to sit around waiting for him to start something. You just woke up super turned on because you had a dream about someone you'd never have sex with in a million years, but somehow at the time it was really hot and he's right next to you? Go for it. Also, what the hell is with dreams like that?

5. Tell him exactly what you want him to do. Even if it's just a "Maybe could you kind of" kind of assertiveness, that's better than expecting him to read your mind and being pissed that he couldn't. Plus, once you do that, then he'll know and he'll just do it automatically. It's fantastic. 

6. Just kiss more often. Not "OK, kissing for like five minutes and then sex," which is fine too, but man, kissing for prolonged periods of time was super hot when you were 15 and I gotta say, it's still true now. 

7. Find your g-spot. It's not that hard. You can pretty much just Google it right now. Or take your fingers, make a hook like you're telling someone to come over to you. That's what you need to be doing. Problem solved. 

8. Don't worry about how your body looks during sex. I always just assume I look incredibly hot. Why? Because I try to have sex with people who think I always look incredibly hot. That part really helps. 

9. Carry condoms with you in case he doesn't have them. One time I was about to have what I've always imagined might have been the best sex I'd ever had in my life with someone and he didn't have a condom and neither did I, so he had to search for them in the middle of the night when everything was closed like he was searching for an oasis in a desert. He found some, hours later, but yeah, it was pretty much gone at that point.

10. Spend some serious time with your vagina. Make sure you know what it looks like, smells like, etc. Because the more you're into it, the less you'll worry about whether or not he's into it. Plus, if you know what it's usually like, you'll be able to spot when something might be wrong. 

11. Only have sex when you 100 percent want to have sex. Sexual situations usually happen pretty quickly and don't really allow a ton of time for introspection and "Do I actually want to do this?" conversations with yourself, but it's completely worth it to try and take some time. Sometimes I've just excused myself to go to the bathroom so I could have a minute to think about whether or not I  really wanted to, if I felt comfortable with this person, and whether or not I trusted them on some level. And once you figure out that you do, the sex is also a million times better. So that's cool. 

12. Stop telling him something feels good when it doesn't. Or when it just feels kind of "meh." Of course you want to make the person you're sleeping with feel comfortable and awesome and that's great, but when he asks, "Does that feel okay?" and you're thinking, "Uh, yes, if I were unable to feel pain and loved things that feel like garbage," tell him what he could do so it does feel good. You can do it!

13. Don't give a shit whether you shaved or not. I refuse to believe that anyone has ever seen an unshaved vagina/legs/underarms and been like, "This is unacceptable. I am going home. Good day." Because they still get to have sex with you. Also, because it is not 1930 and no one talks like that, but, man, I wish they did.  

14. Stop worrying about sleeping with someone new. You're never going to "forget" how to do things and anything new will be figured out as you go along, I repeat to myself over and over again in their guest bathroom.

15. Actually get tested for STDs. I have friends who are too afraid to go, which honestly makes me think they need to go more than anyone. I get tested entirely too often, to the point where my doctor is like, "Why are you here? Nothing about your sex life indicates it is possible for you to have an STD. Please find a new hobby," and I'm like, "Okay."